I felt the breath of him all over my skin.
I felt every inch of him soaked into my pores.
I felt at one with every part of him.
And it was beautiful.
Read MoreSometimes I wonder where my spark has gone.
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I don’t always laugh at jokes like I used to. Probably because I never get the chance to hear the end of them.
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The jump in my step is more of a drag right now. Probably because I’m carrying little children, and the heavy load that comes with them.
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Read MoreI’ll never be needed this much again.
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I won’t have to spend my minutes and hours, days and nights, weekends and holidays being someone’s constant.
Read MoreIt had been 6 days without leaving the house due to sickness.
We had all had colds. The house was a tip. We all had red noses. We all got a little fed up of each other.
Read MoreDear the pending mother of two,
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You wonder how can you do this with more.
It’s hard enough with one.
How can I add to the hard?
Where’s the room?
How will I cope?
Read MoreIt was 4am.
I fed the baby, changed him, then spent an hour resettling him.
I got back to bed at 5.30am.
Getting back to sleep didn’t happen.
Read MoreThis is how some nights look now. Me right there. Close to you. The corners of books digging into my back, and my arm numb underneath the growing weight of you.
But only when you let me,
Because now it’s only then.
Read MoreI remember the final day in hospital with my first. So tired, but the freshest I’d been in days, following the first hair wash post birth. You couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. She was perfect to us. Things could not have felt more perfect either. And as we walked through the hospital doors into the world with her on our own, we were very much on our own too.
Read MorePeople ask me whether you’re a good baby.
And if I’m honest that question irks me a little.
Even though it’s meant with the most love, it just doesn’t sit right with me.
Read MoreMama,
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I know today has been rough. You have been putting out fires all day, while letting yourself become the ruins.
Read MoreI’d finally been able to hold him
The boy, second to steal my heart
But you were still there, in the forefront, right after
The night we’d been apart.
Read MoreTo my children reading this one day,
You were one of the best things to happen to me.
I talked about it being hard because it was.
It was relentless.
Read MoreSometimes I just want to go to the toilet in peace,
I just want to hear anything but crying,
I just want to finish a page of my book or three of theirs without a tantrum,
But sometimes it’s just not possible.
Read MoreI needed to pop into the supermarket. I was wearing my “I hope I don’t see anyone” attire. My matted hair was hidden under a cap, my sunglasses remained on for as long as possible and my milk stained top from breastfeeding in the front seat was disguised by a sweatshirt I found in the boot. I felt distressed at the thought of someone seeing me. But I had to go. I needed baby wipes. Why’s it always baby wipes?
Read MoreThe sentences are starting to form
And the outfits are becoming her pick,
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The doors are starting to slam
And the TV is on with a flick.
Read MoreI’m holding my baby who just wants to be held, while watching my toddler about to do something she shouldn’t, again.
Im wearing my husband’s hoody and eating leftovers from my child’s plate, again.
I’m using a teaspoon because the forks are in the dishwasher unwashed, again.
I’m forgetting to breathe while I eat, again.
Read MoreI’ve always been an emotional person, but since I’ve become a mother I cry at the drop of a hat.
About everything.
And anything.
Including things that have absolutely nothing to do with me but make me think of my children.
Read MoreReal motherhood is often what’s behind the social media feeds, the small talk at coffee groups and the closed doors of the four walls.
It’s wanting them to go to sleep at night, because you’re completely spent. Too spent to put the toys away, or the dishes away or the wash on at night. And that annoys you.
Hey Mama,
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Just in case no one asked you today,
How are you doing? How are you feeling? How are you actually?
Read MoreI miss you some days, and I often don’t realise it until after 7.30pm when the older of you two leaves time for just the two of us. Or when time allows us the quiet darkness, tired but uninterrupted.
It doesn’t matter which.
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