A new everything

I remember the final day in hospital with my first. So tired, but the freshest I’d been in days, following the first hair wash post birth. You couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. She was perfect to us. Things could not have felt more perfect either. And as we walked through the hospital doors into the world with her on our own, we were very much on our own too.

People don’t really talk about the period after birth much. The period where (pandemic restrictions permitting) visitors come and go. There can be many. And it’s lovely, but also tiring. Because despite how much help you get, and how much you appreciate their support, it’s still on you.

Your baby wants you, not them. And being wanted and needed in this way for the first time in your life, is wonderfully breathtaking. Make no mistake. But it’s also exhausting, and at times debilitating.

Post birth you are tired. It’s an exhausting ordeal no matter how it occurs. Your body needs time to recover but there’s no time. Not really. It’s all go from the moment they enter the world.

You have to feed them. And regardless of how you feed them, you’re waking every few hours or less.

You have to resettle them, regardless of how long it takes, and what that means for your own sleep.

You have to learn what works for them, and dealing with what everyone says you should try or worked for them.

And it’s the emotional toll of all these things, as much as it is the physical. It’s the newness of everything. Your body, your baby, your life. It’s dealing with things working and not working. It’s your hormones. It’s loving them so much you want to watch them every minute, but being so tired from being the only one they want every minute of every hour.

So, to the postpartum mum, first time or not, I’m not here to tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps or to make the most of any support you have. I’m just here to say that I know it can be a lot to be someone’s everything. I know you can feel on your own no matter the support. And I know the smiles will be wiped off at times, and things will seem less than perfect.

Because that’s all I wanted to hear.
And I’ve been there, twice.