Let go

Mama,

⠀

I know today has been rough. You have been putting out fires all day, while letting yourself become the ruins.

⠀

You are tired, so tired. That’s nothing new, but today you feel particularly frayed at the edges. The layers of sleep are wearing thin right now and you feel like the thread of love is barely holding you together.

⠀

You feel a lot overwhelmed, not just a little. Individually the things are little, but collectively everything has become a little big. What you would give to shorten the lists rather than add to the pages. But you just can’t do it all.

⠀

You feel tapped out. You needed so many breaks that didn’t come and you wanted to be held more than they needed you to hold them. It doesn’t make sense really, but it never does. Motherhood is like that.

⠀

You love them more than anything in this world but you just need five minutes without them within an inch of you. Even less, perhaps more. Just any time available to catch your breath and regroup. To remember who you are. To remember what you need. To remember anything.

⠀

You pray tonight will run smoothly and that tomorrow will be different. That by some miracle there will be less fighting and more surrendering. You need to surrender too. You know this but it’s easier said than done.

⠀

You will go to bed tonight and replay all of the rough. Then feel like you are failing it, or worse, that you are failing them. Then overthink the failings. Then not sleep.

But please don’t Mama.

Rest easy knowing that we all have rough days. That you did your best. That you are doing incredible things on what can feel like absolutely nothing.

Dream only of the lashings of beauty throughout the day, because they were there. They are always there somewhere, even if hidden in the shadows of the hard.

And finally, give yourself the chance for tomorrow to be better, because it can be. It often is. You just have to let go of today first.