A future letter

To my children reading this one day,

You were one of the best things to happen to me.

I talked about it being hard because it was.

It was relentless.

There was never really a moment to stop. There was always something and someone else to worry about. I worried so much for you.

And there was always more to do, most that did not get done.

That was hard.

But loving you wasn’t.

Nothing has ever come easier.

You gave me so much joy and purpose, during a time in my life that I could so often feel lost.

I would feel my old life moving further and further away, but you would bring me closer than ever to where I needed to be.

You became my life, for many years.

You will forever be one of the biggest parts of my life.

But you have your own now.

And I have parts of mine back, as well as new parts I often dreamed of and planned with you at my feet, or on my hip and lap, or late at night with you in my arms.

You helped me find the new.

You are the reason I got here.

You were always my why.

And I miss you. I miss your littleness, your dependence, your chaos.

I miss being the first person you come to when things go wrong, and the last person you see at night.

I miss the mess that drove me up the wall, and your gravity to me rather than the ground and the space around us.

I remember the beauty like it was yesterday. Because it was beautiful. You are beautiful.

And all the hard?

I forgot about that when you left.

And I just want you to know,

That even though we no longer share the same roof, or bed, or everything including time, please remember I’m just a phone call away. I’ll always answer for you, no matter the time or the size of the problem.

But there doesn’t need to be a problem. Please just call.

Because I’m still here for you.

Because I’ll always be your mum.

Because you will always be my babies.

Love mum x