The Aftermath

I felt the breath of him all over my skin.

I felt every inch of him soaked into my pores.

I felt at one with every part of him.

And it was beautiful.

But the bits that came with that?

Not always.

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I felt the tired stuck to every part of me as I rolled out of bed again and it wasn’t even 5am.

I felt the sting from birthing and nourishing him, over every inch of my body with every move I made.

I felt the milk that was missed clinging to the edges of my skin and his little fingernails scratched into my chest.

I felt the discomfort of the padding, while it was catching the aftermath of growing him.

I felt the emptiness of my stomach with my hands now full of skin, my body now older but new.

I felt almost lifeless as I was about to start my day giving life to him and his sister on an empty tank full of heart.

⠀

It was day 6 postpartum.

And I felt the aftermath more than ever.

I felt so in love, but so in need of a moment for myself.

To process.

To reflect on the new.

⠀

So I showered.

Not for the first time since birth, but for the first time in 24 hours.

And it was everything.

⠀

The tiredness seemed to wash away with the weight of being so needed and the stings became lesser.

I felt my new skin and watched the droplets of water move differently over it. It still formed shapes and they were beautiful.

I felt the weight of the aftermath fall off me, leaving only the smell of him on every part of me. That scent could never be washed away. I didn’t want it to be either.

⠀

And afterwards I felt him again.

I held him close to me.

And we carried on with our day.

I felt like a new woman, ready for the hard bits to wash over me again.

⠀

This is what helped me survive early postpartum.

By taking a shower when I could.

By washing away the sting,

By freshening up my perspective,

By cleansing the parts of me that needed cleansing.

⠀

Because postpartum is a big thing to go through.

It’s important.

It’s the aftermath, but it shouldn’t be an afterthought.

It’s about trying not to get washed away completely sometimes.

And sometimes it’s the littlest things that can make the biggest difference,

Like a shower.