Locked down
It had been 6 days without leaving the house due to sickness.
We had all had colds. The house was a tip. We all had red noses. We all got a little fed up of each other.
I had been up all night breastfeeding for 5 nights in a row, because all he needed was comfort. I was up hourly or less. And my toddler was more grizzly than normal.
I had become her professional nose wiper. Professional because there became a real art to it. No one likes a sore nose being wiped, let alone a toddler.
By day 3 I was well and truly feeling the brunt of it. I almost lost my voice, and my sanity. Also, my eyes felt like they literally held the weight of the world.
Because when you’re looking after everyone else and their recovery, there’s no time for you own.
So I was a day or so behind. And that’s probably being generous.
But by day 5, we had all recovered.
We spent one more day at home to be sure.
The next day I couldn’t wait to leave the house with them.
I was sick of the same 4 walls. I was sick of looking at the same mess. I was sick of the sameness of it all.
I wanted to see new faces, new spaces and just escape for a few hours.
We got them ready to leave. It took forever as per usual. And after I buckled them in and got in the front seat, my car didn’t start.
It had a flat battery and husband had the jumper leads.
Why? Why today of all days? Seriously why?!
So I took both crying children inside. I cuddled my toddler and rocked my baby with my foot on his capsule.
I felt so frustrated, and they felt it.
But in that moment I realised something.
I realised just how important for our sanity it is to get out of the 4 walls.
I realised how not being able to leave leaves you feeling helpless.
I realised how this sort of freedom can never be taken for granted.
And it made me feel for those still in lockdown.
It made me feel for those who have endured it for longer than some of us.
It made me feel for those who have children at home with them and don’t know when this will end for good.
I bet you wish my reality of being home for 6 days straight with a flat car battery is your biggest problem.
I’m sorry for your reality.
You’re incredible.