It’s not like it used to be.
Hugs are not as frequent as they once were. I have to ask for them some days.
Sometimes she doesn’t want me to pick her up when she’s with friends. I have to carry her to the car.
I am not always the one she runs to first. And some nights I’m the last one she wants to put her to bed.
She’s bigger now.
Read MoreThere are more children now, but part of it feels easier.
I’ve been here before, twice.
My eldest has been here before, once.
And my middle child has never known a life without having to share me.
Read MoreMotherhood is beautifully weird.
I feel like I’m drowning most days, yet I am floating on cloud nine generally.
Those little people I get to raise are the best. Even on my worst days - the days where I am well and truly in the depths of being a human being asked to do superhuman things and it all gets a bit much - my love for them never waivers. Neither does theirs, although I don’t feel like I always deserve it.
Read MoreDear husband,
Let me write down what I often struggle to explain, when I am at home with our baby.
I need a break sometimes. And like you, I want something for myself outside of parenting. But it’s not easy for me right now. I’m feeding our baby from my body. And comforting her from simply being there when I’m not.
Read MoreI can live without the sleep, although sometimes I feel like death.
I can live without the quiet peaceful home, although sometimes I want just five minutes of it.
I can live without the regular time for myself, although some days I complain about it.
I can live without the tidy home, although sheer overwhelm often gets the better of me.
Read MoreI know you know you’re lucky
I know how grateful you feel
To get to raise your babies
And feed them every meal
Read MoreThey take their first breath. And there I am. Underneath them. Breathless by the beauty I now hold.
They smile for the first time. And there I am. In front of them. A reflection of happiness.
Read MoreEverything feels unfamiliar.
My body is so different than before. Maybe it won’t ever be the same. Its softer, saggier, and stronger for what it’s been through. It’s not what I’m used to seeing, and it needs time to adjust. I do too.
Read MoreI’ve lost count of the times I’ve been awake with them on my chest, because they need to be held through sickness. My own tired hanging on, just. And my love for them giving me the strength to keep holding on.
Read MoreThey say it’s not the things children remember, it’s the way we make them feel.
And I think it’s the same for mothers.
It’s not the washing piled up in the corner we’ll remember. It’s the feeling we get from seeing their little bodies having fun in the clothing we make sure they have.
Read MoreI saw a video a while back.
It suggested that mothers who look forward to bedtime, consider their children as burdens.
As a mother of three under four who often looks forward to bedtime these days, here is my response:
I look forward to bedtime some days.
Read MoreI’m constantly ahead, but always behind.
That’s how it can feel.
My mind is always steps ahead, because my family needs it to be.
Read MoreI miss my eldest,
So I often take my youngest into her room to nurse while I sit with them both and watch them fall sleep.
Because this is the way I can make it work.
Read MoreHow do you describe a love like this?
You are meeting someone new, but you have always known them.
You carry them into this life, and they carry parts of you every day that they walk this planet.
Read More“Everything else can wait”.
We say it all the time.
And it’s true.
Our children are the most important thing at the moment.
Read MoreEverything’s perfect.
Then it’s not.
Suddenly everyone’s crying, I can’t find the wipes and the potatoes are boiling over.
Read MoreWhen everyone is out and about without regard for the day, the time, or how busy the setting is, we often stay behind because it’s easier. Young children on hips, wading through a sea of toys and washing.
Read More