To my children reading this one day,
You were one of the best things to happen to me.
I talked about it being hard because it was.
It was relentless.
Read MoreI have a lot of different smiles.
The pretending that I’m ok when I’m not smile.
The awkward “I don’t remember your name but I’ll smile and wave anyway” smile.
The polite “thank you” smile.
The insecure closed mouth or hand covered smile.
Read MoreOne day we’ll sit together and you will ask me about this time.
We will peruse the old photos of us, and talk about the stage of life you won’t remember a lot of but which I’ll never be able to forget. The beautiful and chaotic stage of little hands and feet, of big mess and emotions.
Read MoreThe days right now consist of a lot of the mundane.
Changing nappies, wiping faces, finding breast pads, routine swaddling, cleaning sheets, soaking stains, hanging washing, using washing before it’s put away, finding sippy cups, sterilising breast pumps, feeding snacks, assembling something edible for dinner, scrubbing elephant shaped plates, bathing them, bathing them again, picking up toys, picking up clothes, picking up crusts, picking up everything for everyone.
Read MoreIt all starts with me,⠀⠀⠀⠀
As a woman, wife and mother. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You see,⠀⠀⠀⠀
I don’t want my children to only see the aspects of me that I am most proud of, because that is not the whole me.⠀⠀
Read MoreThere you are,⠀
Looking at me as if I am everything you dreamed of. Your kind of perfection. Naïve to my insecurities and weaknesses.⠀
Soaking me in, unconditionally.⠀
Read MoreI know it’s cliche but where does the time go? ⠀
I used to roll my eyes when people asked it but as I sit here with a toddler who will be two in only a few months and an ever growing belly reaching for an end date, there is no more rolling to be had. They were right.⠀⠀
Read MoreYour office is your home.⠀⠀
You work there every day, but there are often no other staff members to keep you company.
Start, stop, forget what you started. ⠀⠀
Start over, stop, forget what you started over. ⠀⠀
Don’t start, stop, forget what you didn’t start.⠀⠀
I could walk for hours in the most scenic of settings but your smile will always be the best view.⠀
Even though it may be short lived,⠀
Even though I hardly see it some days,⠀
It is a beauty like no other.⠀
I used to think you could figure it all out eventually. After all, isn’t that the goal? The expectation? The pressure?⠀
I thought it was going to be like following a manual of sorts, and that through trial and error you get there in the end. ⠀
What’s the best way to do that? What should I not to do next time? How could I be more efficient with that?
It doesn’t matter if you work full time or are a stay at home mum.
It doesn’t matter if your child is in day care or at home with you.
It doesn’t matter if your child goes to swimming lessons or learns in a paddling pool at home.
Read MoreYou are the reason I get up each morning.
Even though my eye lids are as heavy as a five tonne truck.
Even though all I want is a sleep in, a coffee and breakfast in bed.
You are more important.
Read More