I should be resting. I am trying to rest. But my mind doesn’t ever really switch off. It is all over the show with what is about to come. It is full to the brim with questions, worry, excitement, anticipation, wonder, gratitude, tiredness, and google search results. ⠀⠀
Read MoreThere you are,⠀
Looking at me as if I am everything you dreamed of. Your kind of perfection. Naïve to my insecurities and weaknesses.⠀
Soaking me in, unconditionally.⠀
Read MoreYesterday I was the surviving mum.⠀
I supervised screen time, we had takeaways for dinner and the washing was left on the clothes line.⠀
I was the let anything go mum, the let’s write off today mum, the let’s try that tomorrow mum.⠀
My fuse was short, my brain unmotivated, and my body tired.⠀
Wake time came too early and bedtime couldn’t come early enough.⠀
Nothing got achieved other than a huge pile of dishes, more washing and an overwhelming sense of guilt.⠀
Read MoreYou may not always see it, or feel it, or believe it,⠀
But they do.⠀
Your natural beauty,⠀
Your relentless power,⠀
Your captivating influence.⠀
Maybe not in the way you do,⠀
But they do.⠀
Read MoreSoon it will be different.⠀
I may not be able to comfort her in the way I have come to know. ⠀
Straight away, smiling with her embrace, being her everything right then right now.⠀
I’ll try, but I can’t be sure.⠀
Read MoreOh how I’m grateful, so so grateful to be a mother. Don’t I know it. Don’t I make sure I remind myself every waking minute. ⠀
But yesterday was one of those “I can’t be bothered” days.⠀
Read MoreThrough the stages of this season you can sometimes ask yourself, “can I get through this”?⠀⠀⠀
Can I get through the pregnancy?⠀⠀⠀
It may be the sickness, the hormones, the fatigue.⠀⠀⠀
It may be the toddler demands, the work pressures or the lack of support.⠀⠀⠀
It may be all of the above, or some of the above, but you get there, ⠀⠀⠀
Read MoreWith toddlers, personal space is a rarity. ⠀⠀
There they are, right there next to you every moment you spend together.⠀⠀
Right there next to you when you try to drink your coffee;⠀⠀
Right there clinging onto your leg while you try and do the dishes;⠀⠀
Right there prodding you with a toy while you try to talk on they phone.⠀
Read MoreIf only you knew,⠀
Not always giving you what you want is to help you, not hurt you.⠀
The lollies you reach for at breakfast, the scissors you want to play with and the thistles you long to pick like flowers. ⠀
I stop you because I’m protecting you.⠀
The worry for you is relentless, even if you think I’m stealing your happiness. ⠀
One day I hope you understand,⠀
One day I hope you know,⠀
But for now please be patient.
Read MoreYou start inside,
Brewing away, longing to be released.
You climb upwards,
From the pit beneath, to the windows to the world.
Read MoreThere is no perfect family photo framed in our home, but we are not your perfect family.⠀
We go to the beach for the weekend and spend too much time inside our room watching television.⠀
We choose to eat ice creams for lunch over pre-made ham and lettuce sandwiches. ⠀
We don’t take enough nappies and forget sunblock.⠀
Even if you have all the games in the world, get out for play dates often or have visitors regularly, the days at home can sometimes be long and mundane. ⠀⠀
Read MoreLittle eyes longing for me,⠀
When she’s meant to be asleep. ⠀
⠀
Little toes peeping under curtains,⠀
When we play hide and seek.⠀
Read MoreMama,
I see you,⠀
Waking up when you’re not ready, tending to them with the energy you don’t have, wondering what else you could do differently, reading everything, trialling anything, but nothing.
Read MoreMy body is different to what it used to be, but the way I think about it is different too.
Read MoreI know it’s cliche but where does the time go? ⠀
I used to roll my eyes when people asked it but as I sit here with a toddler who will be two in only a few months and an ever growing belly reaching for an end date, there is no more rolling to be had. They were right.⠀⠀
Read MoreI know I don’t say it sometimes, but I’m grateful for you. ⠀
You carry more than just her on your shoulders, even though some days that feels enough. ⠀
You carry me when I need it, even when I don’t know I do. ⠀
You help carry us as a family, sometimes making me forget how heavy the load can be.⠀
Read MoreWhen a mum tells you she’s exhausted what do you say?⠀
I normally encourage her to take a nap if she can, to take it easy and reassure her that it’s about surviving not thriving sometimes. ⠀
I also normally tell her that I’m tired too, that it’s hard and to be gentle on herself.
Read MoreIt’s a rarity these days when she is awake and all is quiet. To clarify, I’m not talking about the quiet when she is out of sight (because we all know that that right there is a toddler mum’s worst nightmare) but the quietness of pages turning, pencils scribbling on paper and plastic cups being placed in and out of boxes.
Read MorePlease don’t wake, not yet,⠀
There’s more I need to do,⠀
Like the washing, the dishes, and dinner,⠀
Just to name a few.
Read More