My body is different now

My body is different to what it used to be, but the way I think about it is different too.

I used to be fit, like really fit. I could see the outlines of my stomach muscles, as much as I could see myself in bikinis and cut off shorts.⠀ That’s what I wanted to see back then, that was important to me. I still had insecurities but I had time to work on them. That sort of body also seemed to come a lot easier. I had more time to devote to my fitness goals, to solely myself, but I also had more energy to give to it due to sleeping and eating well. ⠀ I used to take this for granted.

My body is different to what it used to be. All I can see right now is an expanding stomach (which is no doubt about to form marks as I stretch even further) and myself in pants which cover the varicose veins on my legs. Some of these side effects may pass after this pregnancy, but they won’t completely. I’ll still be left with the markings of life which I will carry forever, as I have after the first round of pregnancy. ⠀ ⠀

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes wish for the pre-mum version I once saw. It’s difficult not to when you unintentionally compare yourself to others. ⠀But all it takes is a reality check to remind myself of how I actually feel about my body now. ⠀ ⠀

When my toddler sits on me, I remember that not that long ago she was the one inside stretching me and leaving her markings. Oh what my body has done for her. It’s remarkable. ⠀ ⠀

When my growing baby kicks me from the inside, I remember that in a short while he or she will be the one sitting on me, touching the body that he/she helped stretch and grow even further. Oh what my body will continue do for him/her. It’s remarkable. ⠀ ⠀

I may wear bikinis and cut off shorts again but for now, I’m wearing the humans I have grown, both inside and out. ⠀
I may get fit, like really fit, but for now they are where I want to focus my energy.⠀
I may no longer have a rig, but for now I am their rig. ⠀
That’s what I want to see. That’s what’s important to me now. ⠀

My body is different to what it used to be, but it’s differences bring me the most happiness. I never want to take that for granted.