One day you will know

If only you knew,⠀

Not always giving you what you want is to help you, not hurt you.⠀

The lollies you reach for at breakfast, the scissors you want to play with and the thistles you long to pick like flowers. ⠀

I stop you because I’m protecting you.⠀

The worry for you is relentless, even if you think I’m stealing your happiness. ⠀

One day I hope you understand,⠀

One day I hope you know,⠀

But for now please be patient. ⠀

⠀

If only you knew, ⠀

Not being able to console you sometimes is as hard on me as it is on you. ⠀

Leaving you for a moment, waiting for you to come back, watching you upset.⠀

I do this because I’ve tried everything. ⠀

The tears are sometimes shared between us, even if you don’t see mine. ⠀

One day I hope you understand,⠀

One day I hope you know,⠀

But for now please trust me.⠀

⠀

If only you knew,⠀

Being apart is about supporting each other, not caring less. ⠀

Sharing you with others, giving me time alone, allowing us to ease into the inevitable separation.⠀

I do this because we both need it. ⠀

It’s about us growing together, even if it doesn’t seem like it.⠀

One day I hope you understand,⠀

One day I hope you know,⠀

But for now please allow it.⠀

⠀

If only you knew,⠀

Me getting frustrated is more about me than you. ⠀

The raised voice, the mutters, the rolling eyes.⠀

I do this when I lose control of my feelings. ⠀

I don’t mean to direct my frustration at you, even when I do. ⠀

One day I hope you understand,⠀

One day I hope you know,⠀

But for now please forgive me. ⠀

⠀

If only you knew,⠀

The days I can’t give you everything are those I struggle with most. ⠀

The missed playgroup, the convenient meals, the screen babysitter.⠀

I do this because life has other demands.⠀

I always try to do better tomorrow, even if I can’t. ⠀

One day I hope you understand,⠀

One day I hope you know, ⠀

But for now please go easy.⠀

⠀

If only you knew,⠀

Every day you open my heart and fill it simultaneously. ⠀

With unconditional love, daily learnings, everything I am to you.⠀

You do this because I’m your mum. ⠀

You are remarkable, even if you don’t know it yet.⠀

One day you will understand,⠀

One day you will know,⠀

Because I’ll make sure you do.