One day I will look back on this time like a distant memory and when that day comes...⠀
I won’t say I wish that I spent more time cleaning, that I had time to iron my clothes, that the dishes needed more of my attention.⠀
Read MoreMaternal was never something I thought I was. ⠀
I was never “clucky” and holding someone else’s baby never seemed to come naturally. ⠀
It felt awkward and stressful. ⠀
Read MoreI forgot what this was all like.⠀
The restless nights.⠀
The ravenous cravings.⠀
The regular loo trips.⠀
The exhaustion, the complete and utter exhaustion.⠀
Read MoreFor nearly two months it’s just been the three of us in our own we bubble. You, your father and I.⠀Although the days were all very much the same, there was the comfort of familiarity in uncertain times. ⠀Other than connections through the screen, our attention was rarely diverted nor our time shared with anyone else but each other. ⠀We have been to each other what we have needed in these unprecedented times, the constants.
Read MoreIt’s amazing how it can all happen so quickly, even when the days and nights sometimes feel so long. ⠀
The days are long but the years are short. ⠀
Finally, progress.⠀
I still wake up when she used to in the early hours of the morning but I don’t need to go anywhere because she’s still in dreamland. After months of an exhausting regression, finally there is some more time under the comfort of the covers rather than lying on the floor beside the cot. ⠀
Finally, progress.⠀
Well, sort of.⠀
Rising, with your eyes not awake quickly enough.⠀
Moving to the cries, with your feet not yet operating quietly enough.⠀
Consoling, with your voice not yet controlled enough. ⠀
Cradling, with your body not yet strong enough. ⠀
Finger smudges on the mirrors;⠀
Toilet paper roads through the house;⠀
“Mum mum mum” on repeat;⠀
Muddy footprints on the carpet;⠀
Crayon marks on the walls;⠀
Read MoreYou are not just a mum, you are someone’s everything.⠀
Their world.⠀
Their protector.⠀
Their comfort.⠀
In you they see a level of safety no one else can provide. ⠀
In you they trust absolutely.⠀
Just doesn’t come into it. ⠀
Read MoreNormally when 11.00am hits, I keep myself busy while I wait for those little cries to stop. I boil the kettle, unload the dishwasher, put some washing on or sort the pantry. I do anything to distract myself from those stressful pre-sleep grizzles. Then when all is silent, I’m calm knowing that she is relaxed. It is like a weight is lifted off my shoulders.
Read MoreDo you ever imagine what motherhood would look like without the tired factor? ⠀ ⠀
I do.⠀ ⠀
The early morning wakes wouldn’t matter.⠀ The endless “pick me ups” would be fine.⠀ The late nights for “me time” wouldn’t come at a cost.⠀ I dream of this now as I navigate through the sleep training methods and the lockdown.⠀ But that’s all it is, a dream.⠀
Read MoreChildren are like mirrors, they reflect what they see. The good, the bad, and the embarrassing.⠀
They are our shadows while they are small. Listening to our tone, watching our mannerisms and replicating our style.⠀
Read MoreDear a new mum,⠀ ⠀
Here is what I want you to know:⠀ ⠀
You will be the most tired you have ever been, but your tiredness will be overtaken by the deepest love you have ever felt. ⠀
Rise.⠀
Sleep.⠀
Rise.⠀
Every missed minute of sleep is worth it.⠀
Read MoreWe all say it, right before we confess to something that society considers an inappropriate parenting technique.
“I’m a bad mum because…”
Read MoreMum mum mum
That is our name
Mum mum mum
That is the game.
We sat in the quiet room waiting for something you didn’t know we were waiting for.⠀
⠀
You were smiling and wriggling, trying to escape from my tight locked arms around you. You were so blissfully unaware of what was about to come. ⠀
Between these four walls there is not much change right now. Each day is long and each night cannot come quickly enough. We not in a rush to be anywhere or to do anything, and the scenery is much the same. Well, that’s how it feels right now.⠀
Read MoreToday I was taken back to my former life as a family lawyer. I wasn’t wearing a suit, holding a dictaphone, time recording, or giving advice to a client. However, I gave the same advice I would have back then, nonetheless.
Read MoreWhen someone questions your parenting without knowing the circumstances, it ignites a firestorm in the pit of your stomach. It is a red hot flame which you struggle to put out and when you finally do, it continues to smoke for a long while after. It is a mother’s scorn.
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