One day

One day I will look back on this time like a distant memory and when that day comes...⠀

I won’t say I wish that I spent more time cleaning, that I had time to iron my clothes, that the dishes needed more of my attention.⠀

I will say that living in mess was our reality but I'm glad I chose cuddles over cleaning, reading to her over ironing and playing with lego over doing dishes because it all went too quickly.⠀

I won’t say I wish that I got more sleep, that I didn’t drink as much coffee, that I always new what day of the week it was.⠀

I will say that being tired was the normal, but I’d go back there in an instant for the beautiful raw connection in the early hours, the smiles when I least expected and the unconditional love I received because I miss those moments.⠀

I won’t say I wish that I was stricter with her sleep schedule, that I stopped her bottle a bit earlier, that we had put her in a bedroom further away from ours.⠀

I will say that some days were challenging, but that I’m glad I was always there for her when she needed me, that I made the “rods for my own back” and that she knew I was close because she doesn’t need me as much as she once did anymore.⠀

I won’t say I wish I had spent more time checking emails, that I’d answered more work calls, that she slept for longer during the day so I could get more done.⠀

I will say that the mum/work life balance was a struggle, but I’m glad that I chose dancing to the wiggles over checking emails, exchanging baby banter over work calls, late nights working over comprising our time during the day because I have all the time to work on my own terms now.⠀

I won’t say I wish I had more alone time to read my favourite books, that I could have gone to the toilet in peace, that house was silent more often.⠀

I will say that there was no peace and quiet but there is nothing quite like having a tiny shadow, hearing the pitter patter of little feet and living in a noisy home. ⠀

While the things I won’t say sometimes seem important right now, in the small picture, they won’t be later, in the big one.⠀

I know I will say that too.