A Mother’s Scorn

When someone questions your parenting without knowing the circumstances, it ignites a firestorm in the pit of your stomach. It is a red hot flame which you struggle to put out and when you finally do, it continues to smoke for a long while after. It is a mother’s scorn.

Even if the someone has no basis for their questioning, so often you allow doubt to wiggle it’s way into the fire pit. You tell yourself they may be right;
You question whether you should have done something differently;
And sometimes you even wonder whether you have done wrong by your child.

You feel breathless as these thoughts deprive the flames of oxygen. It’s a horrible feeling. You beat yourself up. You let that someone win.

Then, as you feel those little fingers wrapped around the scruff of your neck and legs tightly clasped around your hip, you remember that you are giving your little one the best you can and the fire deep inside of you starts roaring.

You want to tell that someone they are wrong in the most direct of terms.
You want to tell them they have no place and that they should keep their mouth shut next time.
You want to tell them that they ruined your day and that they are unkind.
But you don’t in that way, because you are a role model to those little ears and little eyes that share your view.

The truth which we sometimes need to remind ourselves of is:
Although others do things differently; Although others may not agree with our decisions;
Although others may vocalise their opinions;
Unless they know the context behind our decisions, they have no right to try and put out our flame.

Today I was told I shouldn’t have taken my child to the supermarket. The same lady told me the same thing a week ago.

Here is my context:
I am living in a house I am renovating with my daughter.
We don’t have a fridge so I need to buy our lunch and dinner each day.
My husband is living an hour and a half away. We have no family where we are.
Although I realise the gravity of the current pandemic, our circumstances don’t allow for much else right now.

This is what I would have told that someone had she afforded me the opportunity.

Context is everything.