It is more than the sleep

Finally, progress.⠀

I still wake up when she used to in the early hours of the morning but I don’t need to go anywhere because she’s still in dreamland. After months of an exhausting regression, finally there is some more time under the comfort of the covers rather than lying on the floor beside the cot. ⠀

Finally, progress.⠀
Well, sort of.⠀

I thought all of this would mean I wouldn’t still be tired. That I would have more energy to get up earlier than her and to work later at night when she is asleep to get done what I need to. But the truth is, I’m still tired. Really tired. ⠀

Initially I thought I was being weak and that my tiredness was not justified because she was “sleeping through” but I have come to realise that this is not fair at all. ⠀

Just because my toddler is sleeping through, doesn’t mean I can’t still be tired. I’m tired for a number of reasons that are completely unrelated to a good nights sleep.⠀

I’m tired because every minute of the day I am running around after a toddler.⠀
I’m tired because every spare minute of hands free time I have, I am cleaning up someone else’s mess.⠀
I’m tired because I’m up late at night making lunches for everyone the following day because it’s the first chance I’ve had all day. ⠀
I’m tired because I am trying to cram a part time work load into a day that has no time left.⠀
I’m tired because I don’t always have the time or energy to feed myself the food my body needs. ⠀
I’m tired because my body is being used as a jungle gym that has no limits or closing hours.⠀
I’m tired because I try and exude happiness for my child even when sometimes all I want to do is crawl up in a ball and feel sorry for myself.⠀
I’m tired because my mind needs to be focused at all times on the well-being of someone else. ⠀

They are all completely valid reasons to feel tired, irrespective of how much sleep I am getting. ⠀

So as I struggle to smash another day with a full nights sleep under my belt, I remind myself that it’s ok to have a sleep in the day if needed, it’s ok have an early night when I can’t keep my eyes open and it’s certainly ok to complain about being tired.⠀
Sleep or not, I’m giving a lot!