Leading by example

Children are like mirrors, they reflect what they see. The good, the bad, and the embarrassing.⠀ ⠀

They are our shadows while they are small. Listening to our tone, watching our mannerisms and replicating our style.⠀ ⠀

They don’t understand what is a good or a⠀ bad trait. They don’t understand why we look different to some and similar to others. They can’t comprehend why sometimes we speak quietly and sometimes we speak loudly. Well not yet at least.⠀ ⠀

All they want is to be just like us when they grow up and it is our job to lead by example.⠀
It starts will things like taking clothes out of the drawer and then putting them back again. They look at us as if to say, “see mum, I’m doing what you are doing”.⠀ ⠀ It then turns into sayings and mannerisms like “tank you” and brushing one finger through their fringe like you do.⠀ ⠀

These are the good bits. The bits we want them to replicate.⠀ However, it’s easy to forget when they are young and cannot engage with us in discussion or tell the difference between right or wrong that they pick up on the negative traits too. The swearing, the raised voices and the bad table manners. No one’s perfect. We have all been there. ⠀ ⠀

As a family lawyer I often saw the extremes of the negatives. The parents exposing their children to drug and alcohol abuse and violence of the most serious degree. The saddest thing about this was how difficult it was to break the cycle for the child exposed. They wanted to be just like their parents. That was all they lived and all they knew. That was their normal. I always worried for these children. I am now more than ever. ⠀ ⠀

But for most of us, the good far outweighs the bad. We are doing the best we can. ⠀ ⠀

When the two of us look in the mirror it’s important we see not only love for ourselves, for others, positivity, compassion, empathy and a willingness to listen but also vulnerability when needed, forgiveness and an acknowledgement of faults. ⠀ ⠀

It’s not always a perfect world and there is no such thing as perfect parents but as long as she sees us trying to do our best to lead by example then I’d be so proud to be the people she wants to be like when she grows up.