It had been a morning.

Getting them out of the house took forever. We were late. I hadn’t had a coffee.

I needed a coffee.

I know that you’re trying

To give the best you can

To be the mom they need

A support to your clan

Mama,

Would it feel easier if I told you that you are doing a good job? That right now it is “that hard”? That you are doing some of the most important work? That it’s ok if nothing else but holding them gets done in a day?

There can be a loneliness in motherhood.

But not of love.

The days are filled with the best kind of love.

I feel like I’m constantly in a state of chaos.

There are dishes in the sink, laundry is bursting out of the basket, and I find toys in places I’ve forgotten existed. I’m cleaning when I can, but it remerges. I can’t get on top of anything.

And it’s like this most days.

I see you.

Oh, how I see you.

Changing nappies, making bottles, giving piggy back rides.

My legs.

They’re normally hidden under more than my bump.

They’re hidden under leggings, jeans, longer dresses and skirts.

Every mother loves her children endlessly.

She would do anything to make sure they are warm, safe, and content.

Her children are her world.

You were my first.

The one who came here and showed me the way.

The one who carried me as much as I carried you.

The one who made me a mother.

Every night I kiss you

On your sweet little head

After the day’s over

You asleep in your bed

I don’t always love my body, but I love that it’s given me you.

I don’t always love getting up during the night, but I love being your answer right now.

I don’t always love what the tired can turn me into, but I love who I have become because of you.

We go out for coffee and I get a takeaway. We get there late, and we almost always have to leave early.

We go to the swimming pools. I have to get in my togs and be prepared to swim with them until they’ve decided they don’t want in anymore, rather than sit on the side and watch like the mothers who are past this stage. Then I have to get them changed like it’s a race against the clock because they are tired, cold, and suddenly decide they want back in.

“You just don’t get it”, I tell him

I’m so tired I can’t think straight

I’ve was feeding our baby all night

I need sleep, not to be awake.

What will I do?

I have no clue

I’m wrapped in you tightly

You are my glue

What they don’t always tell you about sleep deprivation:

It hurts.

Everything hurts.

Your eyes burn.

Your back aches.

Your arms shake.