Just how much I love you

My hope has been for you to know how much I love you.

Not just one day, but forever.

⠀

In these early years, my love is shown in the unseen, and often the unsaid.

It’s in the games we play before sunrise and the rocking chair we share late at night.

It’s in the slowing down for you, and the rushing to make that possible at all.

It’s in my dinners that remain untouched, and my touch that remains on-demand.

It’s in my nights remaining at home instead of out, and the weekends which start to look identical.

It’s in the holding of my breath, biting my tongue and pushing through my triggers.

It’s in my overthinking, my worry, and my tears which turn on and off like a tap.

It’s in my showing up for you, over and over, again and again, no matter what I may need, no matter what.

It’s the little things.

The mundane things.

The things you don’t even know are anything just yet.

⠀

But I know.

These things are everything.

Just as you are to me.

So I show you,

And tell you anyway,

That I love you more than you know right now.

⠀

And one day, when the years pass and they will forever feel too late,

I will continue to show you and tell you.

But it will be different.

Because you’ll be older, wiser, and understanding of what it is to love and be loved.

⠀

It will be different, but it will also remain constant.

It will be in the initiating phone calls, and accepting FaceTimes if I’m lucky.

It will be in the keeping a spare room for you, or making room whenever you need it.

It will be loving you through your hard times, your good times, and everything in between.

It will be holding your own children, those you love, and you when you don’t know you need it.

It will be in the constant reassurance that I’m not with you, but I’m still here.

It's in the thoughts.

The memories.

It's in the quality not quantity.

It will be showing you,

And telling you,

That I love you more than you can ever know.

⠀

Because by then I’ll know,

That no matter how much older, wiser, and understanding of love you get,

And no matter how hard I try to show, to say, or to prove my love to you,

You will never truly be able to know just how much I do,

Because that’s how much I love you.

⠀My hope has been for you to know how much I love you.

Not just one day, but forever.

⠀

In these early years, my love is shown in the unseen, and often the unsaid.

It’s in the games we play before sunrise and the rocking chair we share late at night.

It’s in the slowing down for you, and the rushing to make that possible at all.

It’s in my dinners that remain untouched, and my touch that remains on-demand.

It’s in my nights remaining at home instead of out, and the weekends which start to look identical.

It’s in the holding of my breath, biting my tongue and pushing through my triggers.

It’s in my overthinking, my worry, and my tears which turn on and off like a tap.

It’s in my showing up for you, over and over, again and again, no matter what I may need, no matter what.

It’s the little things.

The mundane things.

The things you don’t even know are anything just yet.

⠀

But I know.

These things are everything.

Just as you are to me.

So I show you,

And tell you anyway,

That I love you more than you know right now.

⠀

And one day, when the years pass and they will forever feel too late,

I will continue to show you and tell you.

But it will be different.

Because you’ll be older, wiser, and understanding of what it is to love and be loved.

⠀

It will be different, but it will also remain constant.

It will be in the initiating phone calls, and accepting FaceTimes if I’m lucky.

It will be in the keeping a spare room for you, or making room whenever you need it.

It will be loving you through your hard times, your good times, and everything in between.

It will be holding your own children, those you love, and you when you don’t know you need it.

It will be in the constant reassurance that I’m not with you, but I’m still here.

It's in the thoughts.

The memories.

It's in the quality not quantity.

It will be showing you,

And telling you,

That I love you more than you can ever know.

⠀

Because by then I’ll know,

That no matter how much older, wiser, and understanding of love you get,

And no matter how hard I try to show, to say, or to prove my love to you,

You will never truly be able to know just how much I do,

Because that’s how much I love you.

⠀