Deep in deprivation

What they don’t always tell you about sleep deprivation:

It hurts.

Everything hurts.

Your eyes burn.

Your back aches.

Your arms shake.

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You feel trapped inside a cycle of tired.

But you have no choice but to keep going.

Nothing about it is in your control.

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Your thoughts can be dark.

They can be intrusive.

They worry you.

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Actually you worry about everything.

You overthink.

And there is no perspective to serve you.

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You are emotional. So emotional.

Things set you off that normally wouldn’t.

The tears fall but can be hard to catch.

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Nothing happens quickly enough.

And everything is too loud,

Including your own voice.

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You can feel lonely.

And isolated.

And resentful.

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You can become a shell of who you normally are.

Almost lifeless,

With your life dictated by the hours at night.

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Every minute becomes calculated.

You develop anxiety about the minutes you miss.

And all of a sudden you have insomnia when you get the rare opportunity to sleep.

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You can fuel your body with the wrong foods.

And then feel worse,

But have no capacity to change it.

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You can withdraw from your friends,

Your family,

Your life outside of mothering.

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You can struggle like you never have before.

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Sleep deprivation is no joke.

It can be debilitating.

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But because it’s wrapped in so much love - the reason for it IS a love like no other - it can feel hard to talk about.

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Sleep is a basic human need.

Without it we do not survive.

And with little amounts of it, it’s really hard to function.

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Support the mothers you know who may be in the depths of it.

Help them to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Because it’s there, but right now they may not be able to see it.

- Emma Heaphy -

@wordsof_emmaheaphy