The stage we're in

We go out for coffee and I get a takeaway. We get there late, and we almost always have to leave early.⠀

We go to the swimming pools. I have to get in my togs and be prepared to swim with them until they’ve decided they don’t want in anymore, rather than sit on the side and watch like the mothers who are past this stage do. Then I have to get them changed like it’s a race against the clock because they are tired, cold, and suddenly decide they want back in.⠀

We go to the grocery shop. I am rushing to get through as many aisles as I can before a meltdown. I let them snack on the yet-to-be-purchased item to get us through to the end (if I’m lucky), then spend time loading the groceries for purchase with one hand, while holding one of them and repeatedly telling them both “please don’t touch that”.

We go out for dinner. Rarely. It’s just not that enjoyable. My dinner which I’ve been looking forward to all day goes cold while I’m feeding/amusing/trying to calm an overstimulated child. I don’t have a moment to catch up with anyone properly, and we leave with me almost always covered in something.

We go to the park. They love it. But it’s not a walk in the park. I’m pushing them on the swing, making sure one doesn’t fall off the playground, and going down the slide with the other. I’m exhausted by the time we get into the car, but then have to console the tears the whole way home for it being “time to go home”.⠀

This is the stage I’m in.

We’re in.

We still go places.

But right now it’s hard.

They need me for everything.

And I get so tired from the very things others may not consider a big deal.

But it can feel like a big deal.

Sometimes it’s just easier to stay home.

And I know that eventually this will pass.

That I’ll be the mother watching more than doing.

That I’ll be the mother doing a little more relaxing than rushing.

But I’m not there yet.

And although some days I want to be,

I don’t want to be needed less either.

This is the stage I’m in.

It’s relentless and all consuming,

But so very special.

And if you are here too, I get it.

We won’t be here forever.

But neither will they.