I hope she never loses her zest for life. That she continues to jump in muddy puddles when she no longer watches Peppa Pig, and runs with her arms above her head and her joy above her pride when she’s probably “old enough to know better”.
Read MoreWhen things go wrong, I still think of her.
I want to call her and tell her.
I want her reassurance, and advice.
Read MoreI have a lot of different smiles.
The pretending that I’m ok when I’m not smile.
The awkward “I don’t remember your name but I’ll smile and wave anyway” smile.
The polite “thank you” smile.
The insecure closed mouth or hand covered smile.
Read MoreYesterday I looked in my wardrobe for something to wear.
I tried on a few of my older dresses, then T-shirts, then jeans.
Soon they were all lying in a pile on the floor around me.
And so was my confidence.
Read MoreAn honest and heartfelt poem about the changes to your relationship after you have children.
Read MoreOne day we’ll sit together and you will ask me about this time.
We will peruse the old photos of us, and talk about the stage of life you won’t remember a lot of but which I’ll never be able to forget. The beautiful and chaotic stage of little hands and feet, of big mess and emotions.
Read MoreThis won’t be a pretty poem or piece of prose. I don’t have the energy for that today. Truth be told, I can hardly string two sentences together.
Read MoreI need to remind myself more,
That it doesn’t matter if I wear makeup or not.
Or if my clothes are fancy or second hand.
Or if my hair is done or messy.
As long as I’m comfortable however I look, all they want to see me wear is a smile.
I don’t know about you, but I’m tired. Not just physically but mentally.
It’s not just the broken sleep or chasing littles that’s the root of my tired, but all the thinking, worrying and mentally organising that goes with it.
Read MoreIt’s not lost on me,
The littleness of his hands and feet that curl when he feeds.
Or the rise and fall of his chest that steadies when we embrace.
Or the snuffling so
Read MoreThere we were at 5pm on the kitchen floor. Tap running, potatoes boiling over and the bath routine waiting.
You can be invisible to each other.
Even though you’re both there, it’s hard to see each other through the little ones in between.⠀
Read MoreI’m caught up in them.
You’ll find me sitting up in bed under dim lighting and sprawled sheets at night feeding him every few hours.
Read MoreBack to square one but with two. You have more experience this time, but there’s still a newness as you adjust to life as a fresh family of four.
Read MoreThe days right now consist of a lot of the mundane.
Changing nappies, wiping faces, finding breast pads, routine swaddling, cleaning sheets, soaking stains, hanging washing, using washing before it’s put away, finding sippy cups, sterilising breast pumps, feeding snacks, assembling something edible for dinner, scrubbing elephant shaped plates, bathing them, bathing them again, picking up toys, picking up clothes, picking up crusts, picking up everything for everyone.
Read MoreI waited and waited for you,
For nine whole months.
Since the beginning which felt so rough,
The middle which felt like a teaser,
Through the end which felt so long.
Read MoreOverdue mama, ⠀
It’s been a long wait hasn’t it?
The days are passing by at snail pace, and waiting for the clock hand to reach a new hour is like watching paint dry.
You’re tired and over being over it.
You thought they would be here by now,
But they’re not.
Since becoming a mum, my mind lacks any form of order most of the time. It’s an array of post it note reminders, scrunched up papers and important documents scattered over the office floor waiting to be sorted through, considered and filed appropriately.
Read MoreI have so many questions for you.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
How are you going to enter the world when you are ready?⠀
Will it be at rapid pace like your sister or will it be slow and delayed?⠀⠀⠀⠀