2021

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired. Not just physically but mentally.

It’s not just the broken sleep or chasing littles that’s the root of my tired, but all the thinking, worrying and mentally organising that goes with it.

All the do this now, remember that, and but you should.
All the did I book that appointment? Must remember the grocery bags. Dinner. What on earth can I cook for dinner?
It’s the constant mental load carried. Often self-inflicted, but it’s heavy nonetheless.
And it can be tiring.⠀

Also, I don’t know about you, but I’m my own worst enemy.
Even though I’m tired, I rarely rest. And not just physically but mentally.
I don’t take naps and rarely allow myself to have down time while my family do. It’s far too easy to see the mess and my mind becomes messy too.
I never turn off my thinking for everyone else, even when they’re not with me.
It’s a constant “on” even when I could be switched “off” just for a moment.
And it can add to the tiring.⠀

Also, I don’t know about you, but I need to stop more.Not just physically but mentally.
I need to take the moment available, any moment available, to stop my shallow breathing and racing mind.
I need to ignore the mess, the pressing desire to finish everything, the constant guilt about what I should be doing and just stop thinking about everyone but myself every so often.
If not, I’ll be tired forever.⠀

And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be tired forever. Even though some days it feels like I will be and 2020 has definitely made me feel like I could be, I want 2021 to be the year to stop being “too tired” to try and stop being as tired.It’s about recognising when I’m tired, being on my own team and resting. It won’t always be in the textbook candle lit setting or the local cafe on my own. It will likely be in the living room of our already tipped upside down house, overlooking my proudest achievements from underneath one of them as they relax, while I take a moment not to do anything. But that’s something and I need to start somewhere.⠀

So I don’t know about you, but I do know this deserves to be a goal of mine for 2021.So it is.What about you?