A disorganised mind

Since becoming a mum, my mind lacks any form of order most of the time. It’s an array of post it note reminders, scrunched up papers and important documents scattered over the office floor waiting to be sorted through, considered and filed appropriately.

I need to do that. Wait, did I already? Surely not, I’ll do it now. Interrupted. I’ll remind myself tomorrow. Interrupted while writing reminder. Forgets about reminder.

I haven’t dealt with my feelings today. I have had a lot going on and I’d love space to at least feel them. But there is no time today. That will take up too much energy and you have enough going on anyway. Leaves them on the ever growing to do pile.

I need some time for me. Remember how important it is but also that other things come first. You are not the priority right now. Scrunches up and misses the bin.

These are not thoughts that I’m proud of, or what I feel every day but they are what I deal with some days. Figuratively speaking, on these days I crave an orderly office. Literally speaking, I just want to time to consider, process and deal with my own thoughts and needs.
I don’t care that things won’t be colour coded or filed in alphabetical order like used to be possible, but some form of order is nice.

The other day I had a much needed personal organisation hour of mind. It wasn’t the perfect setting but it worked. It was me utilising the driving time to get takeaways without my normal little passenger. I took the longest route possible. I didn’t order until I got to the shop. I then sat in the car waiting for the takeaways.

In the 60 minutes of car time I thought, I unpacked, I re filed. I organised, I tidied, I disposed of what I needed to. All of those things that I just wanted a moment to give some time to, I gave time to and it felt great.
My shoulders relaxed, my jaw unclenched and my mind felt lighter. My affairs were in order and that was enough. Naturally, I turned up the radio and celebrated my work. I knew the papers would be scattered again soon but I’d given my mind space for me and I was better for it. I was a better mum for it too.

It reminded me,
I should organise my office more.