Saved for you

I have a lot of different smiles.

The pretending that I’m ok when I’m not smile.

The awkward “I don’t remember your name but I’ll smile and wave anyway” smile.

The polite “thank you” smile.

The insecure closed mouth or hand covered smile.

The trying not to laugh smile.

The laughing smile.

The reminiscing about nice moments smile.

The pleased with your dad smile.

The “please help me now” smile.

The sarcastic smile.

The reassuring smile.

The unflattering smirky smile.

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They all featured in my life before you, some more than others. And they all continue to feature now in the moments that make up the days, and the emotions that make up my existence.

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But these are not the smiles that you receive.

I save only the best for you two.

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You see the smile that is more than just the curvature of my lips, my cheeks and my eyes.

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It is the smile that has no time limit, nor needs no reason to appear other than you simply being.

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It is the smile that makes my whole body smile with it, and lifts me up.

It lifts us both up.

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It is the smile of contentment, of gratitude, and of complete adoration for everything you are to me.

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It is the smile that pairs effortlessly with the best type of laughter and disappears immediately with the wrong type of cry.

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It is the smile that is natural, and honest and real.

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It is unedited, unplanned and never understated.

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It is the sort of smile that can leave my face hurting, my heart swelling and tears forming. But in the best kind of way.

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It is the smile that comes from a place of true happiness, acceptance and connection.

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It is the smile of unconditional love.

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And while your dad sees a similar smile sometimes, it’s different to what you see.

Just as his is to you and I.

And there are no hard feelings.

There can’t be.

Because we both understand.

We both know.

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It’s a different kind of love this sort.

A love that never rests, but becomes harder to catch as the smiles, love and laughter of others eventually drown out our own.

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So we use our best smiles that we save for you now.

And we will continue to,

For as long as you let us.

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