Here’s to you

There we were at 5pm on the kitchen floor. Tap running, potatoes boiling over and the bath routine waiting.

Everything stopped, as they do when this sort of thing happens. The thing that happens when you least expect and when you have the least energy.

The sort of thing this time was the sippy cup which didn’t have it’s usual orange lid. To me, it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t think she’d notice. It was just a sippy cup after all.

But boy oh boy, did she notice and boy oh boy did it become a big deal,
For us both.

What started with a few tears and attempted distraction tactics, soon became turning the kitchen cupboards upside down and our emotions inside out.

She was trying to tell me, I was trying to listen, but neither of us could understand.
She couldn’t understand why I couldn’t find the right coloured lid. I couldn’t understand why blue wouldn’t do. And in the moment neither of us could understand the gravity of what would were each feeling.

We both needed to sit, and breathe and regroup for a second. I needed to take the lead on that. I should have. But I didn’t.
It’s always so clear in hindsight.

The thing is, despite what you know you should do, sometimes tantrums beat you both. They beat the one who has them and the one who witnesses them. They can feel completely out of control, and so can you. And sometimes you do lose control of your usually calm tone. You don’t mean to, but you do. Because you’re human.⠀

In the heat of the moment it’s easy to focus on how difficult you’re making it for each other. But when the dust settles and you embrace one another on the kitchen floor, you tune in together and realise everything will be ok. Everything will be more than ok. Actually your current is all that matters.

Not the lid colour or the imperfect parenting episode, just the two of you being there for each other as you navigate this sometimes testing chapter together.

So here’s to you,
The mother and toddler embracing each other’s subsiding distress and growing calm on the kitchen floor, beside the cot or in the changing room at the mall.
You got there.
It may not have been your best moment,
But you’re both doing your best.