From 1 to 2 Honestly

Back to square one but with two. You have more experience this time, but there’s still a newness as you adjust to life as a fresh family of four.

And honestly speaking, there are some crucial differences within this transition.

Cooking standards stoop even lower than you thought possible, remembering frozen meals only last so long.

There’s no sleep when the baby sleeps unless both littles sleep at the same time. This appears to be a rarity.

There’s less time to sit and gaze at the newborn, or play with the toddler, unless one of them is napping and the other plays ball for a while allowing it.

There’s more guilt as you’re spread thinner than before. While spending time feeding the newborn, you feel like you’re failing your duties to the eldest. While reading to the toddler, you feel like you’re neglecting crucial bonding responsibilities to your newborn.

There’s more surviving as you do more with the same number of hands you’ve always had. The rods are well and truly welcomed and the care for the “shoulds” are left standing outside in the cold, blatantly ignored as they continue to knock on the door.

There’s no wiggle room for any “I” in team. There shouldn’t be no matter how many children you have together, but you realise this the more you have. After work they tag in with both littles while you tag out for something as little (but big) as a shower. They then tend to one while you tend to the other. This carries into the dark hours but no one tends to your relationship.

Finding time for yourself is even harder. It takes real discipline that you rarely have the energy for. And too often after the fact, or meltdown, or moment of madness you realise you should’ve followed your own rules. You should’ve had the coffee instead of vacuuming after all.

But honestly, you do get through the days and nights, the guilt, the exhaustion, the tagging in and out, the constant selflessness because of them, because of everything they are to you, because of everything you are to them.

And in all honesty, there’s a reason you decide to have more children,
And that reason isn’t because it’s not hard,
But because it’s worth it,
Honestly.