You were my first.
The one who came here and showed me the way.
The one who carried me as much as I carried you.
The one who made me a mother.
Read MoreThey don’t see everything.
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They see the two pink lines.
The excitement of the news.
The ultrasound photos.
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Read MoreI don’t always love my body, but I love that it’s given me you.
I don’t always love getting up during the night, but I love being your answer right now.
I don’t always love what the tired can turn me into, but I love who I have become because of you.
Read MoreWe go out for coffee and I get a takeaway. We get there late, and we almost always have to leave early.
We go to the swimming pools. I have to get in my togs and be prepared to swim with them until they’ve decided they don’t want in anymore, rather than sit on the side and watch like the mothers who are past this stage. Then I have to get them changed like it’s a race against the clock because they are tired, cold, and suddenly decide they want back in.
Read More“You just don’t get it”, I tell him
I’m so tired I can’t think straight
I’ve was feeding our baby all night
I need sleep, not to be awake.
Read MoreWhat they don’t always tell you about sleep deprivation:
It hurts.
Everything hurts.
Your eyes burn.
Your back aches.
Your arms shake.
Read MoreI’m having a baby,
And it feels like you’re still a baby.
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You’re so small, and dependent.
Your body still fits inside the outline of mine.
Our nights still lead us to each other.
Read MoreDo you ever just think...
I love my kids so much, but I need a break so badly, I’ll try to organise one today, but not for too long because I’ll miss them, and I’m so tired, I’ve never been this tired, I wish my children would sleep through, and self-settle, but then I don’t want to miss out on being all they need, time is going so fast, wow, was that photo really taken that long ago
Read MoreIt feels like I spent so much time in the kitchen today, yet I hardly ate a thing.
I made snacks. Cleaned up the snacks. Then prepared different kinds of snacks because they didn’t like the ones I made earlier.
Read MoreThe nights can feel lonely
As you sit in the dark
With your little one on you
Resting on your heart
Read MoreThey say you’re a “mummy’s boy”.
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You look for me everywhere.
You cry when I turn my back to you.
You beg me to hold you.
Read MoreYou have your healthy baby in your arms,
Finally.
You breathe out all of that relief.
All that tired.
All those nine months of hard.
Dear Motherhood,
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Answer me this.
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Why do you have to go so fast? I feel like I’m just catching my breath, and I’ve missed so much when I’ve been in the depths of beauty. It seems so cruel. Are you aware?
Read MoreI remember it so well
Waiting the recommended time
Nervous on the toilet seat
Praying for two lines
Read MoreMama,
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You may not see it, but I do.
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I see your effort. You dance around me every minute of every day. You stop what you have just started to get me to the end of what I think I need. And you don’t stop until long after my eyes are closed, for however long, each night.
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Read MoreThe mornings are the hardest.
I wake up feeling like I have a hangover, but I haven’t been drinking.
I can smell my husband’s coffee from down the hallway and it makes me want to barf.
I’m so tired from being up with my younger children. How on earth will I survive?
Read MoreI respect mothers so much more now that I am one.
I know how much work goes in.
I’m living it, breathing it, right there in the thick it with those who have gone before me, and those walking right beside me.
I understand, at a deep level, what it is to be called “Mama”, “Mommy”, “Mom”.
And when I see mothers going about their everyday, I’m reminded.
Read MoreThere will come a time when this looks different.
I’m not entirely sure how that different will look, but I know it will be a shift that catches me off-guard.
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