Sameness
There will come a time when this looks different.
I’m not entirely sure how that different will look, but I know it will be a shift that catches me off-guard.
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I see my body now. And underneath the layers of you, are the reminders of where you started. It’s been your first home, but it won’t be your last. Its not meant to be. But what a journey it’s been through with you. It’s no wonder it feels tired. Or that you feel safe here. Its all I’ve given you and all you’ve ever known.
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My time is not my own right now. It’s ours. We share it in everything we do. Because we do everything together and we are everything to each other. But somehow it all feels timeless. The days merge into one, and suddenly you’re are bigger and I’m older. Suddenly the things I haven’t got done, don’t matter. Time doesn’t wait for us, or this. It’s the constant reminder of what we’ve had, but what won’t always be.
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This is the hardest I’ve ever worked. No other job that’s come before us comes close. But it’s more than the hours, or the constant need to be on-call. It’s the worry that comes with it. The heaviness of all the decisions. The pressure that comes from loving you so deeply. I never understood this before you. But you are the learning. The reason for my determination. My showing up. My growth. And how lucky I am to have had you teach me.
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I’m not sure what comes next. I’m not sure about anything really. Even though each day feels like yesterday, it’s new. New milestones, new emotions, new hard and beautiful days. Until one day the newness is overtaken by older versions of us. Versions which see us moving closer to finding our own way apart.
And although we may get older, these days will never get old. They are the early days of us. Of togetherness. Of finding each other through the new. Of being there for each other through the hard.
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There will come a time when this looks different.
But before we get there, before we are faced with what awaits us,
Lets enjoy the sameness of being everything to each other right now.
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