Same

Do you ever just think...

I love my kids so much, but I need a break so badly, I’ll try to organise one today, but not for too long because I’ll miss them, and I’m so tired, I’ve never been this tired, I wish my children would sleep through, and self-settle, but then I don’t want to miss out on being all they need, time is going so fast, wow, was that photo really taken that long ago? Boy, this morning is going slow, and I have so much to do, things I feel I should do, but I want to play with my kids, and be present, and not care about the mess, but the mess is everywhere, and I do care about how out of control it makes me feel, how am I feeling actually? And my kids? I hope I’m doing a good job, but am I? I love them so much and they deserve the best, but I have no energy right now, and I feel so guilty about that, and the screen time, and the unhealthy snacks, and the fact I’ve been on my phone around them too much, oh the guilt, but I need this, an escape for a second, I think everyone does it, but I also want to work on something for me, I have so many personal goals, but I want to keep my children my main focus, because they have my heart, it’s just that it feels impossible to have it all, and there’s not enough time to do it all, or is it just me? I still haven’t done the washing, or cleared the bench, and the dishwasher is yelling at me, but so are the kids, and it’s so triggering, don’t yell, don’t yell, breathe, why is this so hard sometimes? But nothing has been more beautiful, and I need to eat something, and do some exercise, and reply to so many already opened messages, and it makes me feel like I’m falling short, that I need to do better, and I’m trying, but being needed by my kids takes time, and I’m so lucky for my time to be spent with them, there is no time like now, but how much time have I just wasted overthinking rather than doing, and being, and loving?

Because same.