I didn’t know what I was getting into when I entered motherhood.
And years on, I still don’t really know.
But neither did you.
I forget that sometimes.
Read MorePregnancy has shaped more than my body.
It has shaped my mind and heart.
Because there is so much involved with carrying a baby, much more than the physical weight.
It’s the weight of the worry.
Read MoreSometimes I give them screen time because I need a shower and I want one long enough to wash my hair for the first time in a week.
Read MoreI’m in it for keeps.
I knew this as soon as I held you.
I wrapped my arms around you, and motherhood wrapped it’s arms around me.
At that point, nothing had come close to holding me so close to my own heart.
Read MorePregnancy has shaped more than my body.
It has shaped my mind and heart.
Because there is so much involved with carrying a baby, much more than the physical weight.
Read MoreHow today has looked (and it’s only 11.00am).
I wake up tired.
My bladder and other children meant a night of broken sleep.
Read MoreThey say you forget.
When you tell them about the long nights, the early mornings, and the constant need to be “on”.
Read MoreI stay up late every night, even though I’m exhausted.
Even though the sensible option would be to get an early night.
Even though I regret it every morning.
And I have my reasons.
Read MoreI think about that woman sometimes.
The one who had just given birth to a new life, including her own.
The one who was completely unsure about anything other than how much love she had for the little body on hers.
Read MoreTruth be told I’m not that okay
I’m tired, wired, and looking less than desired
But at the same time
I’m better than great
Read MoreThe pep talk I think we all should be given as we leave the fourth trimester:
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This is not over. You will still be tired. Perhaps even more so than before. Your children will get bigger, and so will their emotions. They may not sleep through for some time, and that is normal. So you may find it even harder. Be gentle with yourself at every turn. Postpartum doesn’t end.
Read MoreThey were right about you.
You go fast, and slow.
The days blur into one.
The nights feel endless.
Read MoreThey don’t understand why I sit in the car on my own sometimes. Or why I go for long walks alone.
They don’t understand why I microwave my coffee a lot. Or why I eat their leftovers.
They don’t understand why I encourage them to go to bed earlier some nights. Or why I’m in a better mood when we don’t see each other over and over in the early hours of the morning.
Read MoreI’m sorry about today.
I’m sorry that I didn’t handle my emotions properly. They felt too big for me to handle. There’s so much going on at once, and I tried, but it all got a bit much.
It wasn’t your fault okay?
Mummy just had a bad day.
I’ll try to do better tomorrow.
Read MoreA mother’s tired is in her bones.
It’s her normal.
It’s something her body becomes used to, even though her mind doesn’t.
And it doesn’t just start in the postpartum period with her first child.
Read MoreAdvice mothers are given, in no particular order.
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Don’t lose yourself. Have something for yourself. It’s so important.
But also immerse yourself in it. Enjoy every moment. Blink and you’ll miss it.
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Read MoreIt can be easy to lose sight of the beauty some days.
It’s as though I’m running on autopilot.
In the rush, and tired, I can miss the moments staring right at me.
Read More