The easiest route I know

It can be easy to lose sight of the beauty some days.

It’s as though I’m running on autopilot.

In the rush, and tired, I can miss the moments staring right at me.

And it often takes a late night phone scroll to remind me of what we lived together only hours, if not minutes, ago.

Of all of those precious moments that took a back seat to the theatre of “being a mother”.

The moments of their hands holding onto mine as they fell asleep.

The way they called “Mama” with that familiar sparkle in their eye.

Their slobbery kisses to the cheek that they save just for me.

Them. And their pure love. Woven into my days.

Us. And our beautiful connection. Woven through each other.

And so I sit there humbled by what we have.

Appreciating the moments for what they were.

Everything else taking a backseat for a while.

And it’s just what I need.

I am reminded that I was there, with them, through it all.

That I got to live in the moments of beauty, even if I’m reliving them after the fact.

That I am everything to them, no matter if I lost sight of it through the relentless side of mothering.

So while I’d love to be in and cherish every single moment, it’s hard to sometimes. It’s impossible.

Because motherhood isn’t that straight forward.

It’s doing so many things at once. All of the time.

It’s parenting yourself, while mothering others.

It’s adulting at capacity always. Even when it feels like there’s no room to do anything properly.

It’s not what I thought it would be.

All of the extras on top of the special moments make it complex, not linear.

But thankfully my love for them is straightforward.

It’s the easiest route I know.

So much so, that no matter if it’s day or night, I do it in my sleep.

Love.

It’s what helps me back to the front seats of our love story.

It’s what keeps me searching for the moments I may have missed.

It’s what makes it all worth it.