When enough has been enough

When things all get a little too much.

When you are caught in a situation that feels completely helpless.

When enough has been enough today.

Like when you are stuck in a car with a ruined front wheel on the side of a busy highway at peak hour traffic, and pit hour fussiness.

Like when you have had a really long day of doing everything you can to manage through with too much on your plate and not enough time.

Like when all you can hear are the shrieks from the back seats over the person on the other end of the phone.

And when all you want to do is shriek yourself.

And you know you shouldn’t.

You tell yourself to keep it together for them.

You must.

They are relying on you.

You are in control.

You must remain in control.

So the tears keep welling inside.

And the shrieks roar within.

For as long as possible.

Because you try to keep them there.

Because you tell yourself that a “good mum” keeps them there.

But sometimes you just can’t.

Sometimes it’s just too hard to.

Sometimes it’s just completely out of your control.

So out they come.

They release.

And the “every mum” is freed instead.⠀

It’s a lot.

It’s always a lot, but in these moments there can be just that little too much more.

It’s the situation.

It’s feeling helpless for them.

Its feeling helpless because you are all feeling helpless.

It’s the sheer overwhelm of not knowing what to do but feeling like you should.

And it’s having all these feelings of your own that you simply cannot keep a lid on because sometimes there is just no more room in the pot.

So I shrieked today, and the tears became puddles.

Not for long while we sat in the car on the side of the highway tangled in each other in the front seats, but for long enough that I felt bad enough for the shrieks, and better for the cries.

Because I needed a moment.

It was my turn to have a moment.

It wasn’t my best moment,

But it was only for a moment,

And I’m more than a moment.⠀

I am also an “every mum” and a “good mum”.

They are one in the same.

They are always one in the same.