Second by birth only

My second child,

There’s so much I want to tell you.

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I remember you in my arms for the first time. Like it was my first time all over again. Like it was yesterday. But it’s today and you are months older. I’d normally wish for more time with you, but you have taught me to live for now.

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I hear you over the big little noise that drowns you out at times. I see you through all of the distractions. I feel your heartbeat through mine, now torn. You have helped me to learn that I can do even more with the same number of hands, ears and eyes. You are the more, never less.

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I hold onto the moments of just us, and live them for as long as I can, because they are fleeting but the memories of you will not be. They are etched into my soul. You are etched into my soul. Next to her, not behind her, or in second place. You have shown me that there are no placings here.

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I love you with everything I have, and with everything I don’t have some days. It takes a lot from me, but you give me more. Because while the love is shared, it is there in full amounts. You make my heart full. You have shown me that I can love so much that I overflow.

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And I know that you did not make me a mother.

And that your firsts are often my seconds.

But you have done something incredible. Something that comes with being the child second by birth only.

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You have helped me to find more of the mother I wanted to and lose some of the mother I needed to.

You have helped me to see my seconds differently.

And you have given me some of my important firsts.

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Only you could have done that.

Only us together, in this way, in this timing could have made this possible.

No one else.

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And I just want you to know that.

Love Mum x