Bedtime

I saw a video a while back.

It suggested that mothers who look forward to bedtime, consider their children as burdens.

As a mother of three under four who often looks forward to bedtime these days, here is my response:

I look forward to bedtime some days.

Not because I want my time with my children to be cut short, but because I need a break.

And I need a break from being a mother.

Not because I don’t love them, but because I have needs as a woman.

And I look forward to meeting those needs as a woman,

Not because the needs of my children don’t come first,

But because I need to enjoy being placed second every once and a while.

And those needs need to be met,

Not because of my children.

But because of motherhood.

Motherhood is tiring.

Mothers need time to rest and recharge their batteries, so that they can keep mothering.

And for many mothers, like myself, the only time to do that is in the few hours between our children’s bedtime and our own.

Not all mothers have family support close by. Not all mothers have (or can afford) consistent flexible support to have breaks whenever they need them. And many mothers have numerous tasks outside of mothering without enough time.

So for me, looking forward to bedtime has nothing to do with my feelings towards my children, and everything to do with getting in touch with myself.

Because I love my children hard.

That’s what I do.

But the only way I can keep doing that is by looking after myself.

That’s what I need.

But there’s still more.

There’s always more context as to why mothers do what they do.

And mine is this -

Even though I may look forward to bedtime some days,

I cannot wait to spend each day with them.