Mother midnight owl

It’s midnight and I’m exhausted.⠀⠀
I have finally ticked off what I aimed to do within the few hours I had to focus my attention on tasks that were not manageable during the day. ⠀⠀
I could because there were no tantrums.⠀⠀
There were no floor to hip pick ups.⠀⠀
There were no sudden sprints to prevent a disaster. ⠀⠀
There was just a messy spread and an overwhelming list of things to do. ⠀⠀
⠀⠀
It’s done now but I’m paying for it.⠀⠀
I’m exhausted both mentally and physically.⠀⠀
My eyes feel heavy and my brain is a fuzz.⠀⠀
My body is telling me to go to bed and catch up on some much needed sleep. It doesn’t want to carry me anymore. It wants to lay down and recharge, it NEEDS to lay down and recharge.⠀⠀
⠀⠀
But my mind has other ideas.⠀⠀
⠀
Half of it is working out how many hours left I will have of sleep on a worst case scenario basis. It’s not looking good so encourages me not to delay starting the sleep process any longer, taking into account the amount of time it takes me to actually get to sleep.
⠀⠀
But I don’t.⠀⠀
⠀⠀
The other half of my mind is convincing. It craves the quiet serenity for a moment. It begs me to make a cup of tea and eat a row or (or three) of chocolate for no other reason than I can, IN PEACE. ⠀⠀
It is aware that there is a risk that tomorrow may be harder but assures me that it is a risk worth taking for my sanity. It tells me that this opportunity may not come around tomorrow, that I may get a sleep through tonight, that I will sleep easier if my cup is full. ⠀⠀
⠀⠀
And I listen because it’s what I want to hear, what I need to hear. ⠀⠀
⠀⠀
So I sit in the quiet ambiance of the living room admiring my recent vacuuming work while drinking my tea and eating my chocolate for no other reason than I can.⠀⠀
⠀⠀
It’s often like this. ⠀⠀
The late nights hold me. They steal my sleep but also provide me the peace I need. ⠀
It can seem illogical, but it also makes perfect sense. ⠀⠀
It’s sometimes just about having the option to make the choice about what I do with my time on my terms completely for the first time all day.⠀
That is my logic anyway.⠀