Familiar ache

I remember this familiar ache.

My body feels exhausted, and raw.

My hands now mourning the bump that has been replaced by empty skin.

And as I move ever so slightly, I remember what it has just been through.

Nine months of discomfort, and growth.

Then the series of moments when we were both born, which turned me inside out, my heart included.

And here I am now.

With my sweet baby on my chest.

Wincing with every latch.

Feeling the aftermath leave underneath me, a river of my body’s hard work and sacrifice.

My eyes dropping from my beaming face, a mix of too much staring at my perfect baby, and staying awake to keep that perfect baby alive.

I’m here.

And it’s just as I remembered.

That feeling of relief that they are finally here, but the desperation for some rest to catch up on what has been nine months in the making.

Having to face the highs and lows all at once, the only true balance coming when I feel the rise and fall of their little body on mine.

Falling into the trap of thinking I am being unproductive, even though I am doing one of the most productive things I will ever do - feed and keep another human being alive.

My recurring realisation that the days are merging into one, and the weeks are passing before I catch my breath.

Everything about this beautifully euphoric and exhaustingly relentless season that is the fourth trimester.

I’m here, again.

And although I am living that familiar postpartum ache,

My heart is full.

It bursts with so much love.

Just as I remembered, too.

Written by: Emma Heaphy for dock a tot