What I have done

This is the first time I’ve caught a break today and I have been working since 11.pm last night. That’s when my night shift began. I was up every few hours keeping someone else alive.

Dramatic? Maybe to some.

But reality? Yes.

Because that someone is vulnerable right now and I am her lifeline. I feed her life and love when everyone else sleeps. I am her constant.

I am also tired. Because I’ve worked back to back shifts. My three year old woke early. And my 1 year old not long after. I’ve been keeping them alive too. Because while they are becoming more independent by the day, they are still very in need of me for most things. Nappy changes, toilet stops, food preparation and supervision of eating/playing/literally everything.

I have an appointment today. All three are coming with me because we don’t have much choice. And by some miracle they are all asleep so I am parked up in a street enjoying the silence. My eldest doesn’t normally nap during the day, and it’s later in the afternoon so by all counts this is a “disaster nap”, but I need this. Oh how I need this! Because there are no set lunch breaks in this job. Or many breaks at all when you have young children this close in age. It’s constant back to back shifts of keeping other humans alive and thriving.

You take breaks when ever you find the chance, and for me it’s often here, where there is literally nothing else I could be doing.

This is my job. It has been for nearly four years. And I couldn’t be more grateful for that.

This is my day in, day out. My night after night. And there is nothing else I’d rather be doing right now.

But do you know what?

It’s crazy busy.

And sometimes I need to write down what I have done, and do as part of this role, to see that.