Trying

Yesterday was one of the hardest days I

have had as a parent in a long time.

I felt defeated by 10.00am.

The tears just kept coming.

Then tantrums.

Then more tears.

It felt like I could do nothing right.

I doubted every decision I made.

And I blamed myself for what I felt I did wrong.

Then kept starting over.

It was draining at best.

And debilitating at worst.

This photo was taken at 5.15pm.

By this time I was well and truly spent.

I remember how lifeless I felt.

The last little bit of energy seeping from my pores into them, the bedtime routine on the horizon.

I had hardly eaten all day, yet had absolutely no appetite by this point.

I didn’t even care for the mess, their untouched dinners or the basket full of yet-to-be-hung-washing.

I just wanted the fastest route to the closure of the day.

And this is all in the context of being on holiday.

A holiday with my husband and his family supports.

Time away for a much needed break.

But the children and their dad became unwell.

And despite all supports offered by wider family, my children just wanted us.

Mum and dad.

But because I wasn’t unwell, I stepped up and wore it all, all day.

That’s the thing about being a parent.

No matter where you are, you are always needed.

No matter what supports you have, you are wanted first.

No matter what your intentions are for a day, a break, or a holiday, there are no guarantees.

It is the most relentless job on the planet.

And it is not always easy, no matter how easy some make it look.

We all have these days.

We all feel defeated sometimes.

We all know the deep dark moments that these days consist of.

So here’s me admitting defeat, on holiday, with the loves of my life.

Because they are the loves of my life.

Without question.

That’s why I get back up, dust off the hard, and keep mothering.

That’s why every day I wake up and choose to try and conquer it for them.

But the important word here is “trying”.

Because that’s all you can really do.

That’s all it takes when you are one of the main characters in someone’s story.

You just have to try.