Here’s to insecurities

When I look at these sticks underneath me , I am reminded of my varicose veins. I have a number of them. Like purple spider webs they continue to grow on the part of my body I like most, my legs.

During pregnancy they reached their widest spread. They have not reduced back in size since and they will never leave my body unless I have surgery. Like a tatoo, they are permanent.

I was not born with them. While they are genetic, they got an early start in life when a stone flicked me while helping my mother in the garden as a child. I don’t remember this but it I know it happened. I am reminded each day when I go to put on a dress or running shorts. There they are, like bruised purple suns.

I went through a phase of hiding them under pants, long dresses and running tights. They weren’t perfection and that’s what I used to strive for. When I exposed them to those who didn’t know me, I would preface our introduction by pointing them out and making a joke. I wanted them to know I was aware of them and that they were a feature I didn’t particularly like about myself. If I could see them, others could. If I didn’t like them, others wouldn’t either. I wanted to be ahead of the game.

It was something one person said that made me stop and take stock. “I wouldn’t have noticed if you hadn’t had pointed them out”. They were the exact words. And there it was, an important realisation. Realisation that I had built them up in my own head. Like that purple web that continued to grow, so had my stigma about my insecurity.

It’s so important to remember that what we see through our own eyes is often different to what others see. Our insecurities are our own and everyone has them. However, the way we treat our own is often unfair and unnecessarily exacerbated by regular negative talk.

These are my veins. They may not be what I have asked for but they are there. Like the wrinkles forming on my forehead and the crows-feet fanning out from the outskirts of my eyes, they tell a story. They are part of my story. They make me who I am.

Here’s to insecurities, to healthy perspectives and to being kinder to ourselves.