Moments in Motherhood

Motherhood is made up of moments.
It’s the seconds, minutes and hours that make up the days in the weeks, months and years.
It’s the moments of energy, or lack of energy, and the external demands of life.
It’s you and them in this season together, trying to make the most of every single moment.

But as you soon work out, in your own time, it’s not always possible to enjoy every moment.
Not for them, or for you.
It’s more than the moments,
And so are you.

Some days are straight forward.
Messy, yet beautifully simplistic.
You get through them with more smiles than cries, and more laughter than deep breaths.
Bedtime doesn’t seem like the goal post and you don’t go to sleep at night praying for tomorrow to be different.
These days are easier, more fun, less tested,
And so are you.

But not all days are like this.
Some days you feel like you’re drowning.
In the mess.
In the emotions.
In the endless things still awaiting you after them.

And there are so many things on these days.
Everything seems so much more than less.
Things go more wrong than right.
Things that normally aren’t that big, feel that gigantic.
Like your top getting caught on the door knob.
Or not being able to find a second sock.
Or the baby wipes not coming out one by one.
Why do the baby wipes cling together?
No seriously, it’s a fair question, but these days are not the ones for questioning things, or yourself, or for answering anything other than their needs and those of your own.
These are the days for surviving.
Because you just don’t have the energy for the gigantic on these days.
You just want to be small enough to hide without being seen, or needed, or someone’s fixer of all problems.
You count down until you have support, then until bedtime, and then spend way too long being up way too late having time to yourself.

And in those quiet moments you reflect.
You relive.
You consider all that went wrong.
And there’s something so wrong with that.
Because it rids you of all the right.
And there’s always so much right on these days.
Even though you can’t feel it.
Even though you can’t see it.
Even though you can’t breathe it in, while you’re too busy focusing on breathing through it all.

Those moments - They were there, invisible in all the gigantic, loud, cluster of hard.
They were the moments of you putting everything into them and them passing you a smile.
They were the moments of you losing your normally calm tone and receiving their embrace, which you needed more than them.
They were the moments of you and them together, being each other’s everything that is right when everything has been going so wrong.

There are so many moments in motherhood.
And bad moments can make for bad days, hard days, bad and hard weeks.
But those moments making up the days and weeks are full of togetherness.
Of you both being there for each other, through the hard, and finding a way through it.
Because you do find a way through the moments, the days, the weeks.
You always do.
And while they can make you feel weak, you are stronger because of them.
You are always growing into it.
Just like they are growing before you.

So keep going Mama.
And you will keep growing too.

• Written by Emma Heaphy for Mumli App