Dreaming Awake

This is what I look like after bedtime (my daughter’s, not mine):

I look like the day has sucked the life right out of me.

I look like a shell of what I was this morning.

I look like I need a minutes peace, a shower, a haircut, and a good 12 hours of sleep, at the very least.

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But I look like this because this is my reality.

Because I have given everything to her and her brother today.

I do every day.

Because they are my everything.

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And I happily have my energy sucked out of me each day for them.

Because they give me life.

They are the most important part of my life right now.

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But my life doesn’t stop at their bedtime.

I carry on.

I tidy the house.

I get the washing in.

I sort life admin.

I sort all the things I couldn’t sort during the day because my focus was on them.

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And there can be a lot to sort.

And I can be up really late.

And the woman in the mirror at that time can look a lot more in need of a lot more.

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But that’s still not the end of my day.

Then I work on my own dreams.

For however long I can keep my eyes open.

I do this for me.

Because I still have my own dreams.

Because they make me want to dream bigger.

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So I sit on my computer cramming in as much as I can each night before I fall asleep at the keyboard in the only quiet I have after I have done everything else for everyone else.

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But this is my choice.

I choose to stay awake.

I choose to do more.

I choose to be even more tired.

Because I choose to dream awake,

For me and for them.

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So here’s to the mothers adding to the tired when it feels like there’s no more tired left to give.

Here’s to the mothers who start large parts of their day after their children’s day ends.

Here’s to the mothers working on their own dreams while their little ones are dreaming late at night.

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I see you.

You may feel lifeless right now, but your dreams matter too.

You should be so proud of yourself.

And one day they will be so proud of you.

Keep going!