Winning

Winning for me looks different right now.

It looks like having a shower before noon.

And managing a hot cup of coffee at all.

It looks like putting on a load of laundry, even if it doesn’t leave a dent in the washing pile.

And only wearing my dressing gown for a few hours in the morning.

It looks like getting out of the house or having visitors without worrying about the state of the space I am leaving, or they are entering.

And maybe getting dinner started when we get home, or our visitors leave.

It looks like getting a few hours of sleep in a row,

And forcing myself go to bed that little bed earlier.

It looks like spending time with my toddlers while the baby is sleeping.

And then spending time with the baby, while the toddlers are playing independently.

It looks like being patient when I can’t finish that job I desperately wanted to because someone else’s needs are more important,

And not feeling guilty when I have to use screen time to get a break.

It may not look like much to those looking in, but these are my small wins.

My little steps forward.

My hourly/daily/sometimes weekly achievements.

And they are important.

Just as my big wins before motherhood used to be.

Because when you have little children, and are tasked with adjusting to a new stage in your motherhood, whether as a first-time, second-time, or third-time-plus mother, the small wins are big wins even if they don’t feel like them.

This is winning for me right now.

And it looks different.

But every little thing that gets me closer to a day filled with more smiles and less tears from all of us is a victory.

And I choose to see it that way.