Despite what they say

Dear mumma,⠀⠀⠀

I know you didn’t think it would still be going on now, but it is.⠀⠀⠀
They say it’s a newborn thing.⠀⠀⠀
They will start sleeping through,⠀⠀⠀
You will sleep again soon. ⠀⠀⠀

But “they” are not always right, are they?⠀⠀⠀

For some of us, they still wake numerous times, some nights. ⠀⠀
They are still in your bed, some nights.⠀⠀⠀
They still sleep on you in the old feeding chair, some nights.⠀⠀⠀
You still sleep beside the cot with your arms through the bars, some nights. ⠀⠀⠀⠀
It is just as it was in the newborn days, when that was “expected”. Now it’s only expected by you, as you wonder each night how much sleep you may or may not get.⠀⠀⠀

They are not only running laps around you during the day, but also at night. And you feel like you are running laps too.⠀⠀⠀
From the bed, to them;⠀⠀⠀
From them, to beside the cot;⠀⠀⠀
And back to bed, if you’re lucky. ⠀⠀⠀
It’s not a race, for there is no end in sight at the moment. You just keep running in circles together in the dark hours. ⠀⠀⠀

It’s not for want of trying either.⠀⠀⠀
Both of you are trying, every time you meet in the early hours. ⠀⠀⠀
You want sleep.⠀⠀⠀
You need sleep.⠀⠀⠀
You need help.⠀⠀⠀
So you to look into sleep plans, routine and read, you do LOTS of reading. ⠀⠀⠀
You listen and live by trial and error. However, trial becomes lesser as there becomes more “error”. Well that’s what it feels like when you divert away from the “plan” for the trial that night and welcome the “rods”.⠀⠀⠀
You shouldn’t feel like you have failed, but you do.⠀⠀⠀

They are trying in their own way too. By calling for you, by reaching for you through the bars, by sitting up waiting to be picked up by the arms that have always been there to help them.⠀⠀⠀
They want sleep too. ⠀⠀⠀
They need sleep too.⠀⠀⠀
But they need help too and this is their way of asking for it.⠀⠀⠀

I’m not here to tell you anything you don’t already know but do know that you’re not the only one that still meets your not so little one in the darkness, months after the newborn phase.⠀There are lots of us.
Because despite what they say, and despite all efforts on both parts, some toddlers and some mums just don’t sleep through,
Yet.