Third trimester truths

Some truths about my third trimester:

I’m constantly exhausted. My body is heavy. I wonder how I will hold up and show up each day for my two little ones when my body just wants to lie down.

I just want to cherish this last period with my two littles before everything changes again, but I don’t have the energy to constantly play like they want to. So the TV is on more than I’d like. I feel guilty about that.

I can’t wait until my husband gets home so I can actually lie down for a bit. But I’m uncomfortable and frustrated because all I want to do is play with them, catch up with him, and do everything that has fallen by the wayside because doing anything other than caring for children right now is a big ask and takes me so so much longer than it used to.

I am counting down the weeks until we can meet our new baby. But the weeks seem to have slowed. And the days. Especially the time between 4 and 7pm. I look forward to bedtime, but then feel guilty about that.

I have the urge to nest, but not the physical capacity. Then I stress about all that has to be done before the baby arrives.

My cooking is abysmal. I burn something most nights. My postpartum self would not thank me later for freezing meals with my current standards in the kitchen.

I fall into bed each night, and then can’t sleep. I overthink. Will the two children sleep through? I need them to. How many times will I be up because of my bladder? What do I still need to sort before the baby arrives? And all of the standard guilt driven thoughts about how the day went, or didn’t “go” with my two littles.

The third trimester is a slog. I have found this with all of my pregnancies. But with other children, the slog is requiring me to dig even deeper. And so I do. I just keep digging.

I know this is temporary. I know this will be over soon. I know that with each day that passes, I’m one day closer to meeting my new little love,

But in the meantime I’m tired, heavy and feeling guilty about pretty much everything.

So if you are surviving each day right now to get one day closer to seeing why all that tired weighty guilt is worth it, I see you.

This is hard.

The end.