The best chapter of your life

They say that becoming a parent is one of, if not the, best chapter of your life. I agree. It is one big messy love story with each chapter getting better and better.

However, there is another chapter which I think most overlook, and is a worthy contender: The first 12 months of your life. Granted, you do not remember this chapter (well at least I don't) but that's not what the test is. Let me explain.

As a baby any of the following can be considered cute:

1. Psunami (the result of three days or more of poo which seeps out of the side of the nappy, through all layers of clothing and into the mattress of the cot, requiring hours worth of cleaning).

2. Farting or sharting in public.

3. Urinating on the carpet in the 10 seconds you have spare between bath towel and new nappy transition.

4. Having no form of high chair manners (mic-dropping, throwing and smearing your food over every surface imaginable other than your bib or the table top).

5. Throwing up over everything, everyone, anywhere and anytime.

6. Crying for no reason other than to get someone's attention.

7. Harassing/abusing the family pets, particularly the most vulnerable with the longest fur and slowest reaction time: Louis the persian puss.

8. Ripping, smashing or making illegible through regular sucking anything of importance to anyone.

Now what sort parent of can do any of the above without being seriously repremanded or, at best, becoming a Nigel No-mates? If there is such a person, I certainly don't want to know them.

As a baby you also get the benefits of:

6. Being pushed around in your very own personalised chauffeur without needing to expel any energy other than to do some of the aforementioned.

7. Sleeping whenever you want because it is encouraged and not considered as lazy.

8. Being fed on demand because weight gain is the goal.

9. Having your very own Personal Assistant (your mum) who works all hours of the day and night to meet your every need.

10. Wearing onsies everywhere and no matter the occasion.

Comparatively, as a first time parent and for the aforementioned reasons:

1. You are tired all the time.

2. You are financially worse off because your newly acquired PA role doesn't come with it any financial reward.

3. You are under immense self inflicted pressure to get everything right.

4. You haven't consumed a hot meal or coffee since before giving birth.

5. Any form of self care or maintenance can be found hiding out collecting dust somewhere with the rest of your former selfish tendencies.

On the face of it, there seems to be no doubt as to the winner in this segment. However, the intangible benefit of becoming a first time parent is learning to appreciate a love like no other. In my view, that's a tough one to beat.