I'm sorry

To the mother I judged before I knew.

I judged you for the screen time you gave your toddler in a restaurant. I thought it was “lazy” parenting. I thought that must have been your child’s normal. But what I didn’t know was that getting a toddler to sit restrained for a minute in an overstimulating environment is almost impossible. That it actually may have been one of the few times your child did have screen time, and you got to enjoy a meal. That this was not your normal, but just what you both needed in that moment.

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I’m just so sorry.

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I judged you and your child when they were having a meltdown on the plane. I thought this was something you could control. That it was somehow your fault. But what I didn’t know was how nothing is in your control these days. How your child is learning how to regulate their emotions,

you are trying your best to regulate your own. How hopeless you would have felt in this situation, and how much you just needed someone to say “it’s ok, we’ve all been there”.

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I’m just so sorry.

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I judged you for sitting on your phone in front of your children. I thought you were somehow not grateful for the now. But what I didn’t know was how your now was their now the entire time. How some days it’s impossible to find little moments for yourself. How sometimes you need to carve out moments to escape no matter how less than ideal they are, just so you can feel a little closer to sanity,

yourself, your own now.

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I’m just so sorry.

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I judged you for letting your children dictate much of your time. I thought you could still do it all, and have your children fit in with your life. But what I didn’t know was how children change your life in

every way possible. In the best way, but a way that demands so much from you. How their needs come first, and yours second. How difficult it is to get anything other than loving them done some days and how that is really the most important thing.

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I used to judge you.

And as a mother now myself,

I’m just so very sorry.