"How are you?"

“And how are you?” I asked him at 10.30pm as were getting ready for bed. ⠀⠀
“I’m good, why? Is something wrong?” He responded.⠀⠀
We both paused and then laughed, thankfully, because if we hadn’t laughed I could have cried. ⠀⠀

In that moment we realised how foreign the art of asking that question seemed. ⠀⠀
A question that used to feature a lot in our dialogue now seemed almost unnatural to ask. ⠀
A question that should be one of the most important ones has seemingly become lost in the pages of adulthood with parenthood. ⠀⠀

That’s what happens I think, isn’t it? ⠀⠀
99% of your discussions are around your child, work, routine, finances, EVERYONE else.⠀⠀
The remaining 1% is left to be discussed when you have time. ⠀⠀
But the problem with that (aside from the woefully inadequate percentage allocation) is that the time never really seems there for the taking anymore. ⠀⠀Even if it is, it can be hard to see and even harder to steal as your own. ⠀On the odd occasion you manage to, it’s usually ridiculous o’clock when you have no energy to give the discussion the time it deserves. ⠀⠀
So it doesn’t happen and there you and your feelings can be left for another day, bubbling away and waiting to be asked.⠀⠀

But that day doesn’t come that much anymore does it?⠀⠀
And feelings do not always wait for a day that may or may not come do they? ⠀⠀
They show themselves when you least expect and they become bigger too, bigger than they need to be, bigger than they actually are. ⠀⠀

It can look like yelling at the remote control because it doesn’t change the channel, or losing it at the rubbish bin for being in your way or telling the dishwasher on no uncertain terms that it was the worst purchase in history because there is a tiny food stain on the plate.⠀⠀
And these are just the comical examples. ⠀

But that’s what happens doesn’t it?⠀⠀
As parents you can forget that you too need to feel seen and heard.⠀⠀

Perhaps we should just ask each other “how are YOU”? more often.