Heavy eyes, full heart

This is for the mother still awake at night. Heavy eyes, full heart. 

For the mother who can’t remember what it feels like to go to bed each night knowing that

her sleep is guaranteed. Anxiety ridden and love driven.

This is for the mother who cancels yet another set of plans due to her tired. Apologetic, but

not really sorry. 

For the mother who is dictated by her desperation for sleep. Standards lowered and guilt increased.

This is for the mother who is not the mother she wants to be right now. Surviving, not thriving.

For the mother who starts the day wondering how she will get through it. Consumed by doubt and fuelled by coffee.

I see you,

Tending, holding, rocking. 

Swaying, pacing, dancing. 

Shushing, singing, whispering stories. 

Tiptoeing everywhere. 

Getting nowhere.

Starting over and over.

Calculating the minutes of opportunity. 

Trying to cherish these moments of connection.

While also wishing away the moments of hard that come with them.

And it can feel so lonely. 

It can feel like no one else gets it.

It’s just you, your little one and your thoughts in the depths of the quiet dark nursery after all.

But you are not alone.

Dark nurseries everywhere are filled with wake babies and their mothers,

Desperate for some sleep,

Trying to beat the myriad of emotions that come with being so damn tired.

And so others DO get it.

Those same mothers understand at a deep level what it is you are living,

Because they are living it too.

So to the Mother reading this while trying to keep her heavy eyes open, I hope you know that

you are seen, you are valued, you are doing some of the most important work. 

And I hope that when you get a moment to close your eyes tonight, you rest in the knowledge that your right now is hard, but it too shall pass. 

*Written by Emma Heaphy for Mumli