Front row seats

As we washed the dishes my husband looked over to the children and whispered to me “this is what it’s all about”.

So I pulled myself out of my usual trance,

And looked.

I relaxed my shoulders,

And breathed out.

I stood with us,

And breathed them in.

I saw the children we had created, covered in the dinner they didn’t eat, playing with the lego I’d just put away and conversing happily with each other at a volume I’d just told myself was “too loud”.

“They are so beautiful” I thought.

And my body was overcome with the - How lucky are we - feeling.

You know, that best feeling on earth kind of feeling?

He was right.

This is what it’s all about.

So we hugged, and watched them some more.

Words needed not be spoken.

Afterwards I reflected.

It can be hard to breathe these moments in when you feel like you are permanently on fast forward.

Early motherhood requires so much of you, right now.

And so you keep walking steps ahead of where you are.

But the reality - of which we are all so painfully aware - is that there is no rewind button.

Or the possibility for the pausing of time.

These messy and imperfectly perfect moments will only be relived when we sit back and watch them through albums on our laps from the comfort of our couch, which by then will be free of toys, crumbs and the very children we made the memories with.

Gulp.

Cue tears,

And a wave of helplessness.

However all is not lost.

While we do not have control of time, we do have control of what we do with our time.

And that is everything.

So I tell myself,

On repeat,

And I’m telling you,

In case you need to hear it -

“Breathe out, and breathe in”.

Breathe out the fast paced nature of modern motherhood, and breathe in more of the now of early motherhood.

Because another important part of this reality is this -

There is a beautiful show that keeps playing out in front of us every day, no matter if we are watching or not.

And for now, we really do have the front row seats.