Life mission

This is my life mission.

The love I have for my children made sense when I held them all for the first time. But what exactly I wanted to give them and be for them as their mother didn’t.

That’s taken me a while to figure out.

The longer I have been in this season, and the deeper I’ve found myself in it, the more clarity I’ve found.

As a first time mother, I thought perfection was the goal. I fell into the trap that “perfect” meant the love and childhood they deserved. And because this new deep love held onto me in a way I had never experienced, I thought any less than perfect wouldn’t measure up.

Then I became a mother of two. I learnt quickly that I had to let my standards drop. I found that difficult at first, but it became easier when I realised through my eldest growing older that the things I thought that mattered really didn’t.

And now as a mother of three, I’ve come to a place of peace with being a “good enough” mother. I’ve had to. With two hands, and many little needs calling for me at once, there is only so much I can do and perfect is far from attainable. I have to focus on what is the most important in the moment and deal with that on a daily basis, letting go of the self-inflicted pressure to deal with the parts that have to wait.

And when I pull that apart I see. Although it doesn’t feel like my mothering is enough some of the time, with every decision I am prioritising love. Their feelings. Their safety. With every ounce of energy I have, I am trying to make their childhood one to remember.

And that matters most.

This is where I am.

This is my mission.

I want to be a damn good mother.

And to me a damn good mother is a good enough mother.

A mother who makes her children know they can come to her to laugh, to cry and to feel safe with - now and forever.